Sunsets and Sinking [Light]

When my mind swirls with things I can't grasp, that is where I go. I park in the temple parking lot in my sacred Rexburg and Heavenly Father and I talk for a while. Since recently moving home, I am not in a position to retreat there as much as I am used to. But when I can make it, I still find beautiful clarity. 

I recently spent some time there after work, just as the sun was setting over the country skyline that had come to be filled with so many tender memories of mine in the recent months. As I noticed the beauty of what was taking place, I grabbed my trusty sidekick (also known as my camera) out of my back seat, and started my quest toward the perfect angle to capture this majesty. As I became wrapped up in getting the perfect shot, Heavenly Father gently reminded that all the pixels in the entire world will ever do this view justice. Because the beauty of the sunset is not found in the seeing alone. In fact, it is discovered in the feeling of it. The warmth on your skin, and becoming aware of how breathtakingly vast the world is around you, all at the same time as you realize how very small you are in this beautiful scheme. 

Those people who are closest to me have heard me say that I have always had a draw to sunsets. Maybe its because they are so simple, but their dynamic beauty is so complex. Maybe its because the same sunset never happens twice. Or maybe, just maybe, I hold a belief in my heart that Grandpa Harry helps paint them. 

The idea of beauty coming when you allow yourself to feel something has weighed heavily on my mind as of late. My heart wonders to many places, but lately I keep coming back to the idea of how fragile life is, and how feeling it is how we allow it to change us. Recent events have contributed to a seemingly drastic thinning of the veil for me, and I guess its safe to say my feeler has been put on high alert. 

I am reading a book (Not kidding..I'm reading a book.) entitled "Before My Heart Stops" by one of my longtime heroes, Paul Cardall. He was born with a sever heart defect and spends most of his life with uncertainty littering his future. The veil is so thin for him, and it seems to me that he was blessed with such a power to feel divine comfort. A new focus of mine is to rely on true light the way Paul does, and be able to draw strength from the source of light that doesn't sink into the west as the day draws to a close, but is constant, steady, and omniscient at all times, day or night. To feel of the peace that comes from that light with all my heart, and not hold back any part of my heart from feeling that love.

I found an article that appeared in the ensign some years ago. There are some really powerful quotes that portray some things I have been feeling lately. A young widowed mother recounts what sunsets came to mean to her. 

She says, "Instead of struggling to fight off sadness and loneliness in the house each morning, I decided to step outside to greet Heavenly Father in the sunrise, partaking of the beauty only He, the Source of all light, could offer. The mellow hues of refracted sunlight witnessed of His love, and deep swelling gratitude began to fill my aching soul, sweeping away the darkness and securing a wholesome perspective on the day." 

Later, she goes on to say, "Through the years we witnessed together that He begins and ends each day in beauty, silently setting forth breathtaking loveliness uniquely crafted for that day and beckoning us to be happy in Him." 

I think the reason this article rang so true to me, was that in my quest to feel, I have found that what I haven't fully been feeling is the complete love of God. The more you let yourself feel Gods love, the more it surrounds the ache in your heart and takes care of it. Because when the sun sets on this mortal life, we will get to meet our Maker. And when I get there, I want to feel nothing but His love. 

President Kim B. Clark gave a beautiful devotional a couple weeks back, PLEASE go listen to it.  I listened to it again this morning, and the spirit that came from it provided much solace as it taught of the truth of the atonement. President Clark talked about the scripture found in Mosiah 4:9, where we are counseled to "Believe in God" and know that He created all things. I learned many powerful things from listening to this address again, but in particular it stood out to me how grateful I am that God made sunsets, and that He made me. And, most importantly, that His Son, Jesus Christ, made an atonement that can help me through sin and suffering, hang ups and hardships. That is the truth! Hold on thy way (D&C 122:9) and He will not depart from you! 

When was the last time you felt a sunset?